Nailed in numb

Ohkay.
So update on my life.
I need to get it out so bad.
Ugh.
Here we go.

Have you ever been so in love with someome that you don't even care if they're with you as long as they're happy.
Maybe at one point you were both really in love but you mental illness or sickness of whatever sort got in the way and so you both knew it had to be ended for the better health.
Well that's what happened to me.
I was dumb enough to get into another relationship with someone after that.
So fucking dumb.
I know who I am. What I am. And what I do to men.
I shouldn't have done it. But I did. And I let him fall in love with me immediately.
Of course never being over the first guy.
Wtfe ever right. It couldn't have been that bad right?
No. Wrong.
Very wrong.
I was never 100% in the relationship.
Not that I was cheating or flirting with other men. BECAUSE I NEVER WAS. I just wasn't 100% there.
Always very blank
And he was controlling to the max. Beyond any content.
And now he's left heart broken not understanding what I mean when I say "I love you. I'm just not IN love with you."
I don't know if any of this makes sense...
Do you know what I mean...