Who's in charge, certainly it's not me anymore.

"what do we all want to do next?"
 my step father is annoying.

-you have me walking all around town, I feel like I might die if I walk anymore-
"can you just drop me off at home so I can start reading my books and you guys can go out"

fucks sake. didn't have to say that twice. they brought me home
books.
I start to read them.
it's not much of reading because I can't focus on the plot line.
blurred lines. blurred intentions. blurred stories of lord only knows what this author was thinking

I decide it's time to eat something. so I go down stairs and pour myself a child sized glass of almond milk and begin walking back upstairs.
NO
then I realize, fuck, I meant food, so I head back down stairs and open my cabinet.
gluten free-vegan protein bar! I grab two!
*I open them both up individually, tear them apart into pieces and toss them in my dogs food bowl. then the wrappers go on the top of the trashcan as evidence. my work here is done. go back upstairs now*
I grabbed my almond milk and...
fuck.
no.
jeasus Christ
I need to fucking eat something.
I open the fridge and plop four grapes into my mouth. (18)
next is the freezer
I grab out the bag of brussel sprouts and pour the rest of what's in the bag
I begin to count how many are in my bowl...one...two...three..four..five....six..........seven..........eight....I take out two of them, I do not want eight. six is my safe number. the extra two join the bowl in which my dog is chewing forsaken protein bars
six brussel sprouts (48) go in my bowl for 2minuetes and 46 seconds.

as soon as that's done I add 1/5 of a tomatoe (15) 1 green onion stalk (10) and two tablespoons of pico de gallo homemade. (20)

then I take a knife to it and cut them it all together in the bowl to make tiny pieces, I wont know the difference when im eating it that it isn't very much even though it looks like a lot.

stop. halt. hold your bloody knickers.
it has me again. im shaking. I don't want to eat it but I know I need to.
(109)
one hundred and nine calories
solid calories
little monsters
regrets

and after typing this incerpt for a solid 36 minuetes I realize it has taken me a full 36 minuetes to finish that bowl.
kms