Sacrifices..

Today i had to make a sacrifice for my health.
Emotional health.
For the past five/six months ive been really in love and am still very in love with this boy.
Handsome,
But ya know things are not always as they seem.
He knows everything, (well almost everything about me)
And he thinks i never loved him.
Today
He told me that i was a fucking lie.
He knew i never loved him because my best friend had the braclet he gave me for valentines day.
But heres the thing,
I didnt GIVE the braclet to my best friend
I had to take it off when i went to the hospital several nights ago..a hospital trip he knew about.
Damn well. You can't have anything metal on during xrays / catscans and why that isnt clicking in his brain I'm not sure.

So i obviously had to tell him good bye. Of course he thinks this is about me not loving him and all but it's not. Its about myself. And me needing to choose my health. Day after day recently had been him fighting me on the smallest of things like not texting him back, while i had been at disney land, and his insecurity that I'd cheat on him even though I've never given him a single reason to think or believe that i had cheated.
I couldn't sleep, because i didnt want him to think i was ignoring him.
And as you all know.
For someone with eating disorders
That's the kind of relationship that will send you sky rocketing into the deep end of your pool.
And im already 3/4ths there.
It hurts so bad because i know i didnt want to say goodbye but i had to.
_________________________________
(Continued)
Yesterday was probably the last day ill see him in a long while.
But it isn't the end.
I'm done denying my anorexia
Im done telling people I'm happy
I fell apart last night when i got home
Now I'm ready. To drop. To hopefully like myself a little more.
I'm so blank.
Empty...
Welcome to my life this past seventeen years..

Email me.
Tell me about the hardest decision you've ever had to make..