Latley i have felt trapped. so ridiculously trapped in my own mind by my subconcious. My depression has been sky rocketing in the sense that I can't even wake up with an ounce of hope and i wind up dedicating my day to telling myself that being sad isnt going to do anything for me but when i try to cheer myself up it's as though my body gets upset. offended and wants me to take it back and just pushes me deeper down the depression well and after being pushed so far down , ive began to drown.
The water at the bottom of the well isnt made up of just depression but amxiety as well. And the well itself isnt made from brick but made from a layer of thick self hatred in which im confined. I am confined to hating myself. I am confined to knowing that there are plenty of people i will just never be good enough for. I am confined to lieing to everyone about if i am alright or if ive already eaten or if i have nothing to say. Honestly, i could see myself dropping like *finger snap* that again.
reguardless the amount of hopsitalizations , recovery hasnt ever made me happy and now i feel like HOW COULD I HAVE LET MYSELF GO. IM DISGUSTING.
short rant.
sorry.
kbye
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