Stuck in a crossroad (very naked)

I put (very naked.) Not because I am naked but because its something very personal to mei guess.
I often get thoughts.
Thoughts hoping for death.
Death to my eating disorder even if that means taking me with it, so be it. But it needs to die.
Day in and day out it eats at me.
Tells me I'm nothing and I'm worthless, but if I lose ten lbs I'll be 10% worthless or some shit.
My best friend died five days ago from a bullimic real accident and I feel lost. So lost. And today when I came home 10:12ish I was greeted by my other best friend, my cousin, and several other people whom my house has been offered up to for people to stay in.
And here's J. He knows right away," ang you've lost weight. " and of course I give him the, you're eyes are broken so fuck off shpeal. He doesn't buy it and he looks under my eyelids and gets the most heart breaking tears in his eyes. He said "when did you eat last, don't lie, cause then I'll just guess"
And that's when I realized I had to tell him, I haven't eaten since Thursday night.
He just starred at me. Do you know what its like to have your best friend stare at you like, "what the fuck is wrong with this bitch." But for whatever reason, that look had only lasted a couple moments before he flicked the middle of my forehead, grabbed his keys and handed them to me. 'Go start the car and get in, I'll be out in a sec.' And at this point, there was no arguing, plus I didn't have the strength for it.
Needless to say, I was not very shocked when he pulled up to a gas station, and brought back out a 24oz of coffee and a granola bar.
Of course I have to eat the granola bar and he watches me to make sure I don't st ash chunks anywhere or only eat a portion.
Why should he care what I eat?
Because he's afraid I'm going to break our pact.
Me and J have a pact. He has severe depression but has gotten a lot better.
I on the other hand still struggle, and he knows when I do because he just sees it too well.
Our pact is that he won't commit as long I don't commit slowly with my anorexia.
And let me tell you, this boy has been in and out of hospitalzations more than once by my disgusting side.
Home, is obviously not where we went after wards.
We went to a building, a tall one downtown and hung our feet over the edge, talking about what's going through his head, what's going through mine and trying to figure out to ourselves, why we're both relapsing in to this great depression.
he's been dealing with it using alcohol and I've been dealing with it through numbers.
Id like to lose 10-15lbs by spring break but I know it isn't allowed.
But when I feel more starved and empty, it's easier to ignore everything..

So here's my challenge to you all.
I want to know you're story of the one person who's been with you through the most. Sister, grandpa, best friend, whoever, I wanna know you're story and history(:
Email them to me.