I dont understand, how you dont understand...

Ohkay so here I am. Cuddled up in a blanket and its been an honest to God long day. I'm glad its one more day I've lived to see but at the same time its like I'm living in my own personal hell.
This hell where people don't understand.
There is a lot of things I can not mentally deal with and I don't understand why some people don't apply what they say to themselves.
Earlier today I was told that I need to seriously watch my actions because "what I do affects not just me, it affects everyone"
So I'm like yeah ok I understand that.
BUT YET here I am with the same person wondering why they can't even apply that to themselves.
It's hard for me to comprehend to the inability of someone to not have the intellectual state to realize that they're a pathetic unable human being.
I
Of
All
People
Do not have the time or capacity for this. I can not swear myself off to someone like this when I just got out of a worse(but still similar) relationship.
I need to be loved. I need someone who's going to love me as much as I should love myself.
And I know that people will say "no one can live you until you love yourself" but I don't believe that.
I believe that whatever love someone has for me is one of the few things keeping this heart beating.
my self image is screwed.
My self worth is nothing, and why? I'm not totally sure. I would really love to know where all my happiness went ....when it left..if it was ever there..the anxiety..when did that start...when did I start not liking myself...I remember as a young kid always being so excited to want to change myself and who I was because when I grew up I was gonna be "perfect, smart, and skinny" and now I'm far from it, dumb as shit, and fat as hell. And I'm not ok with it. And that's where my subconscious comes in. I'm just a little dead. Inside and out.
I'm going to post lists soon of things I like and don't like.
SOOOO(:
here's my challenge to you. Try to figure out when it all started, and what or who helped you to turn your thoughts or mind around.