this is me and i just want to be happy.

ive been in a bind latley.
When i can do me and eat how i please i feel so much happier with life and with myself but with the three meals and meal snacks and meal plans and blah blah blah blah.
I should not be dropping right now. but i am. lets be real.
i guess what im saying is i dont care if i die, or get put in inpaitent again or any of that.
i just want to be happy
and yes i know there is that whole im never going to be happy with my body no matter how small i am, i realise that.
but that's just my image. mentally, i am happer when i am starved.
it's sick isnt it ??
yes it is sick and disturbing that i would be willing to admit that
but i am done.
done eating all this nonsense thats only making me unhappy.
like god what is this shit.
 i am not,
 going to be bound,
 by the meal plan society expects me to be on.
i need control over my own life
i need control over my life
i need control over life.
i need control.
i am so much calmer
so much more chill
and its all ok, i promise.
i know the person this is going to confuse the most will be my boyfriend but , sooner or later im hoping he will realise that this ist about him. this is about me.
what i want and what i need.
i know he'll worry but after a while i know he'll see and beleive me when im say that ill be alright.
hopefully
no i know ill be ok
i will be fine.
he is going to understand that my mental disorder is just who i am.
i am happy, anxiety filled, and anorexic.
take me or leave me.
Darling.
you wont have to worry about a thing.
i am going to be fine as long as i can do me. happier ya know.
trust me